what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
