you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
