its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
