The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
