I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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