this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
is it fun? or sober?
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