last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
