I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
