I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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