I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
