peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I only lived at night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
