at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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