I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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