i already hear my dad disowning me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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