I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
