I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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