The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
