I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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