My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
