Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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