im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
