Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
