I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
