So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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