It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
