wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
