I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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