A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
