Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
