Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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