the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
