I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
