My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
