She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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