with your own penis?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
