i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
