There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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