It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
