i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
