i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
