...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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