I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
