Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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