Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
