He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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