I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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