I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
