When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
