i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
