We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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