He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
