So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
