so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
