I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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