the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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