Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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