I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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