I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
