I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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