I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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