I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
