He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
