# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
