I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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