there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
