i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
