Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize