We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
