Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
