she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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