I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
