chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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