The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize