after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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