So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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