Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
