i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
