shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
