I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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