You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
